Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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