I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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