I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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