i think my tv is drunk
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
not ubering you a puppy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
