shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
