dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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