I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
