P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
