I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
