Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You have to summon your inner elephant
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
