Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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