My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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