Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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