Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
