if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
