I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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