I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
