did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
