Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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