They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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