I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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