whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
