Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
