I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
