just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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