So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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