You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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