i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
