At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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