i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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