you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
