hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
