The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
