You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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