oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
