then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
