So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
