do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
