I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
