ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
