We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
