When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
