worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
