An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm both gender and math confused
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
