Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
