Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
