I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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