you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want to make out with him forever
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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