I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think people are normalizing furries
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
