"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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