i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm both gender and math confused
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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